NYLSC: One Million Dollars and a Waah!! - Post #187

So, I'm on my way to beating last year's number of posts. It's going to be hard, seeing how much writing I wrote last, but I figure I only need 9 posts a month. And this is January #10.

I spent Thurday - Sunday last week at the National Youth Leadership State Conference (NYLSC) in Boston, Massachusetts's. It was four days of working in groups to develop skills in areas such as presentation, project planning, team building, leadership techniques, active listening, feedback, appreciating diversity, goal setting, self awareness, group dynamics, decision making, and conflict resolution. I figure:

the high school psychology class
+ my church school class
+ summer camp
------------------------------------
NYLSC

Yeah, that's about it. It was insanely fun. I couldn't believe how many friends I made, or how much I actually (believe it or not) learned. A lot of it, yes, were things to do with the curriculum, but it was also stuff like how to deal with people you've never met and need to instantly organize, how people of certain personalities respond to pressure, and the difference between a real leader and someone who just likes to think they're one. I was in the Atlantic group, and we played this Waaaah!!! game which I won't go into detail about here (too sacred, heehee), but another few groups had this two way chant that eventually formed to that song, 'Jump on it'...

Great Lakes Leader: Great, great, great, great!
Great Lakes: Great, great, great lakes! Jump on it, jump on it!
Mississippi: Sit down, sit down!
Great Lakes: Stand up! What what!

Yes, we were all named after bodies of water.

I miss everybody just thinking about it. There was a mime at the talent show we held one night, and we all knew he was climbing something, but then he stopped with his hands above his head and just swayed there. The entire group was silent for about two seconds, totally confused, and then burst out in a roar of laughter when we saw he was hanging from the top of the rope. He was awesome.

Then back here, things have been pretty awesome too. I got an account on YouTube and haven't regretted it yet; finally the kids in my grade can see where my videos have been going, and generally the feedback has been pretty good. Hooray! I added the link on the side over there.

Tonight there's robotics again. Last night Justin spray painted his hair blue so I'd help him write the competition essay. Pshhh. Stuff like that.

-Iona-

Happy Tuesday - Post #186

Today was, for various assorted reasons, a pretty excellent day. Midterms, for one thing, were actually a plus today. I had Spanish, which wasn't too bad. I have Mrs. Devaney, so she helped us a lot if we were stuck. I got full credit on the oral section as well, so that's all good. I like speaking the language, as opposed to doing hours of bookwork.

We also got two midterm grades back today, English and S.S. I did better on both of those than I'd hoped, so that was very excited. I did better on my English exam than I have in that class all year. I think I just have some serious focus issues. I'm awful at homework; there's a time and place for schoolwork and that's (believe it or not) school. At least, I'm pretty sure that's what my subconscious thinks. I'm no psychologist.

Then, loads of people were really awesome today. I love awesome people. They're just so...awesome.

I feel like working on my story, which is amazing, because I haven't wanted to for weeks. Maybe it's midterms. They drain all the creativity right out of you.

Oh, yeah, kind of different look (due to the new blogger template upgrades), new links (go see!), new pictures (because I felt like it), new name (finally thought of one I liked), and not so new obsession with parenthesis (I've been doing this forever...but then again, you already know that, don't know?).

-Iona-

Eeeeeeeh - Post #185

I hate being sick. And I have horrible timing. I mean, today was just one two hour midterm, then leaving school early to go bowling with people...

Instead, that's one more thing for me to worry about, and I'm missing bowling, swim practice, and robotics. Ack.

I have I said how much I hate being sick? Probably. I hate how it can keep you up all night, haunt your dreams in the two seconds of sleep you manage to catch, then leave you feeling completely drained. And I hate feeling weak.

So now I'm lying in bed with my laptop. Thank goodness for mobile computers. Every time I try and stand up, by head spins and I feel worse, so I'm stuck here waiting for it to go away.

There's another awful thing about being sick - the waiting. My parents aren't ones to fish out medicine for sicknesses we can last out ourselves, they never have been, so my brother and I are usually left to stick it out. Except, of course, this time he's not sick.

It's like being a baby again. I've had a glass of water and a cup of tea so far, and I'm completely useless. Ahhhhhh, I need to do something. Badly.

It's 9:50, so Shawn and Rachel and Mitch and Brianne are done with the biology midterm and are probably on their way to the bowling alley. Ironically enough, I could probably walk there in about half an hour if I had my strength. but, again, I don't.

Eeeeeeh. I feel awful and I wish I was somewhere else.

-Iona-

Angels and Flies - Post #184

I've got kind of a lot to say today, which is weird, because not much has happened. And, by the way, we're going with headers today. And they're bold, even if it's hard to see.

Snow
It's snowing!!! I'm so excited. I love it when it snows. It's so...pure. Before it hits the ground, it's just perfect. It's white, and it falls so slowly and sweetly it's almost like it is defying gravity. And it takes so much of the worry away about global warming and doom for all of mankind...because doom couldn't make your heart feel that full.

Psychology
I might want to take that instead of AP Biology. I'm fascinated by it, and it will probably help me more in the long run. And, I don't know. I can't just leave band behind like that. Maybe I'll talk to Mr. Duffy. I mean, I had oboe separation anxiety this summer, when I wasn't allowed to take it on the road trip (oboe+hotel=bad), what would I do if I never got a chance to play it? Ever?

Swim Team
What a paradox swim team is...it's so hard, but success means pain and fatigue, so in a way pain and fatigue mean happiness. And that's not just because of my musical influence right now (more later). That's the truth.

Kevin had me doing 75s with a bunch of fast people today. I mean, Michael was right in from of me. yes, the kid is what, twelve? Thirteen? But his 50 free time is 28 seconds on an off day. I've never been able to break 31 seconds. Ever.

It was 75s freestyle on a minute, which is a bit (hah - understatement) of a challenge seeing as how my hundred free time is...maybe 1:14? I don't remember. I'm rambling, but this is good. I needed to.

I like swim team. I don't know what I'm going to do without it, when I graduate. I'm not good enough for the professional college teams. I'm hardly good enough for my team now, but that's okay because it's a YMCA and loving your sport counts for something there. And I do love it, in a really twisted sort of way. I love having to break down every barrier of doubt and fear, of having to push through total pain and exhaustion, of craving oxygen more than anything and stuff going the extra two strokes to finish because that might be enough...to beat yourself. To be better. And then you do it all again.

And I love having no qualms about walking around in a swim suit anymore. I think it's funny, how habitual it's become...

Sing
I swear I have a reason for being this delirious in my post. I'm not usually so scatterbrained, so foggy...or so clear. I don't think I'm happy...I'm kind of peaceful maybe. And I like it.

Anyways, just listen to this, or this if you don't mind not understanding the words. I have to buy the songs, both of them. They're so beautiful and pure, so much like the snow...they make me happy.

Speaking of Happy
Our first poetry assignment for English after midterms are done is to write a catalog poem of the things that make us happy. I'm not to sure about this. I struggled with those paragraphs, I'm so bad with structure...what if my poems get torn apart too? I don't really know what I'd do. And how do I fit everything that makes me happy into a poem? So, as usual, I'll think it out here.

What Makes Me Happy?
Instantly I think of marching band. That had to be one of the happiest times of my life. But what about it made me happy? It was that feeling of belonging, of being part of something bigger than me. It was when someone's cell phone rang and they just opened it and closed it, totally hanging up on the person, because this was more important. It was being on the football field under the lights at night, and moving with everyone as one to follow commands. It was playing the drumline cadence, how it kept the steady heartbeat of the whole band in the thrill of its rhythm.

Then I think of swim team. It's waking up in the morning after a really tough practice and feeling your muscles ache. Knowing you did well. It's a rare compliment from a coach who caught that you were giving it your all, even when you thought no one noticed. It's shaving that second you were aiming for off your time. It's being cheered for, seeing a pile of people at the end of your lane and knowing that they're there for you, because they believe in you and want you to do well.

It's a baby's breath, knowing that something so small and fragile is alive, can love, can cry, can feel.

It's that inky black silhouettes of bare trees against a fiery sunset.

It's the perfect harmony, that little snatch of tune that makes your heart sing out in response, that send shivers down your spine.

It's the imperfect harmony, of friends singing so our of tune we almost match, delirious with happiness and basking in the light of our friendship.

It's walking to the bus stop in the morning, moonlight sparkling off the grass like a thousand tiny photographers snapping pictures as you walk down the concrete runway.

It's being hugged out of the blue and told you're missed by someone you thought never minded.

It's marshmallows burnt to a crisp because they caught on fire while you were laughing at a joke...but somehow they still taste fantastic.

It's being appreciated.

It's making an old poet, one who had written more about love than you had ever experience, have eyes bright with happy tears and knowing you put them there.

It's catching a glimpse of a smile on a face in a hallway that, for inexplicable reasons, you were waiting all day to see.

And that's not the half of it.

-Iona-

P.S. The title is from the song...that's not what it really says, it's actually 'Angels in flight', but I don't know. I'm kind of attatched to what I thought it was at first. So that's the title.

Stepping Out - Post #183

Good song, weird guy, interesting lyrics, amazing tune. Hear it. The video's unimportant.

So...life? I have a new foster sister. She's adorable, only four weeks old, but difficult. She's a baby. I know much much about babies? Pretty much zip. So when my dad is on the phone on a business call and I'M the one who has to figure out why she's crying...harder than it looks. I've fallen in love with pacifiers, baby bottles, and those mobiles that play music, because guaranteed one of them will stop her crying.

And its doubly hard, because she's so pretty, and you know she'll never have the same chance as everyone else, that she won't grow up thinking or acting like everyone else. She's so young, and yet already her disabilities mean that hope for her in many aspects is lost.

At least she's with us now, and not in a hospital. At least she has people to hug her and kiss her and make sure she's happy, and pay attention to what she wants when she cries.

It's rotten, because somehow I still manage to gripe and complain about all the little things that I think are rotten. Today, for example. Things that stink:

Midterms Do teachers enjoy trying to make our poor brains explode? Honestly, I've never felt so overloaded by study guides, practice tests, review sheets, and other hopeless photocopied papers that are only evidence that we didn't learn things well enough the first time.

You know what? Teach me the information well the second time. Verbally review it before the test, let me read the chapters, and let me go. I guarantee I'll do better than if you cram all this half-learned junk down my throat.

Schedules A teacher came into our biology class today with dittos for AP biology. And now I want to take it, really badly. I'm so sick of classes where we don't learn anything, where the teachers are even less passionate about their subjects than the students, where time is wasted and information and opinions treated like garbage. It's a school, for goodness sake. Ever consider that maybe some of us are there to learn?

Maybe it's a false hope, but AP classes seem to promise something different, something better. A challenge, more so than seeing how little studying you can do to still get an A on a test, or how far you can continue to work in an environment completely lacking enthusiasm before you, too, fall into a complete state of scholarly depression.

However, to take AP biology, you have to first take chemistry...or you can take them at the same time. I would have to drop Spanish or band...

Spanish is pretty bad right now. We get way too off track, have to essentially teach ourselves the information before the test, and waste so much time (realized yet that this is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves?). And, its an honors class. So no hope there. But a lot of colleges require languages, and especially look for people who have all four years old high school in one. Not to mention, Spanish is a rapidly growing language. Honestly, I love learning languages. I love words, and what word parts mean. My favorite word part is ped. It means foot. Bipedalism started it (bi=two, ped=foot), then pedicure, pedestrian, pedal... I want to learn Spanish, just not at the intensity (or lack thereof) that we are now.

Band isn't much better. We don't play a lot, there is no enthusiasm whatsoever, and it's extremely disorganized. I mean, I could still play in marching band with the bass drum, and maybe Mr. Duffy would let me still participate in the concerts if I got the sheet music beforehand. I'd miss playing in a group, and I'd miss Mr. Duffy, because he really knows what he's talking about. It's not him, except maybe the disorganization (but that seems to be a quality of all band teachers. Ms. Skreb was a bit like that too). It's the other kids. They just don't care. How odd..."and my weakness is / that I care too much." I would swear it's true if it wasn't so cliché. Symphonic band might be different, might be better. Most of the bandos (the true bandos, concert kids just don't count) are in there. They have class when I have algebra though. Maybe that's better. If I have to drop a band class, I'd rather it be concert. I don't want to know what I'm missing...if I end up deciding to miss it.

My dad is the best. I think he really gets what I'm talking about, and where I'm coming from.

My dad: "I don't think there's any point in taking a class in which you don't do anything."
Me: "Then I'm dropping English, and Spanish, and-"
My dad: "UNLESS it's a requirement."

Hmph. Says you. I don't know...I'm really thinking about it. I talked to Mr. J, and he said it might mean a struggle with the school to fit in all the lab periods, I'd have no free time, I'd have no studies...

Only two things are holding me back.

1. The hope of getting into symphonic band, and the hope that it will be better.
2. I still don't know what I want to do.

I don't know what I want as a job, or even what I want to do in college. I like everything. I was so set on something with writing, until this year. English was a disappointment, and math, science, and robotics were fantastic.

The only thing that hasn't changed is wanting to help the physically and mentally disabled. But...how?

Oops. Sorry. That was WAY more rant that I intended it to be. But...I think I know a little more now. Even if that means accepting that Spanish, however pointless the class is in relation to what I wish it was, is here to stay.

I don't know.

-Iona-

Somewhere I Belong - Post #182

I happen to like that song. Loads of people don't like Linkin Park at all, but I think they're pretty awesome when you're in a certain mood. I'm not sure what kind of a mood, but whatever it is...it exists.

And isn't that what everyone wants? I feel so happy right now that I think I've found it.

I belong at swim team. I didn't go at all last week so I was dying today, I felt like I had to muscles at all. But Kevin kept working me anyways, really hard. At the end, though, when we raced, I didn't do as well as I should have, and I was sad. Not for myself - I don't mind if I do badly, but because he had put that extra effort into keeping me going and I had let him down.

And amazingly, he noticed that. He saw that I was sad, and actually understood why. I'm amazing, because

a. he's a guy. Enough said.
b. there's probably 50 to 70 swimmers at any odd practice, so loads of people to keep an eye on.
c. I'm not that fast a swimmer, so I don't stand out or anything.

When we were leaving, he said he noticed that I was working hard the first 19, and just had trouble with the last one when everyone else stepped it up. He said he'd been the same way when he was a swimmer, and that we'd work on keeping the speed going tomorrow.

It's amazing - my spirits were totally lifted. He's a great coach. A lot of people don't understand when we say he's the reason we go to practice. We want him to inspire us, to push us to our fullest potential, and we want to make him proud.

Then, there was robotics. I've gotten really into it, I've been there every day at least an hour for the past eight days. I think, slowly, I'm starting to belong there too. Mostly it's Mitch's fault. He's awesome when you need to fit in somewhere, and he's okay if you stick to him like glue. Apperently we argue like an old married couple. Jess might help me file for divorce. :)

Check out the Team Max website, you can look at my page there too. I'm so excited about the Atlanta trip. Actually, I'm just excited. I love staying at the high school. I think I spend more time there than at home. Well, maybe not yet. but that would be awesome.

I'm such a dork. XD

-Iona-

Robotics + Me = Headache - Post #181

All right. About...maybe four lists today? Well, tonight, seeing as how it's past 9:00. But still.

List numero uno. Things learned directly from robotics today:
- The black button is on, the red button is off.
- Clamps means you don't have to hold five things at once.
- If you wiggle the wood while you're cutting it, bad things will happen.
- To turn the saw, press the little metal bar.
- Press down on the drill if you want it to do more than sit and smoke.

Things I figured out myself in robotics today:
- There may be something to that guys-are-better-at-cutting-stuff stereotype.
- The better cutter you are, the less sawdust you will get on your clothes.
- Wood falls. Eventually you won't jump at the sound.
- Pencils and permanent markers are your friends.
- Get to the pizza before the twenty guys do if you plan on eating anything.
- Everyone makes mistakes: especially freshman.
- Juice from strange Chinese fruits is better than it sounds.

Reasons robotics is awesome:
- I'm doing really cool stuff I've never done before...especially making wood circles. That amused me greatly.
- The tons of awesome gadgets floating around in the physics room. Literally floating. That magnetic top was insane.
- Cool people. Especially my few fellow freshmen and the other bandos.
- Something to do. I would rather be anywhere but at home bored.

Reasons I'm bad at robotics:
- I'm completely out of my element. All the other freshmen are guys, I hardly know most of the upperclassmen, and without Rachel I feel like I'm missing an arm. Not to mention I don't know anything about robots, tools, trigonometry, or talking to people. I'm especially bad at that last one.
- It clashes with everything else. Swim team and school...but I want to do it. So, I'm kind of stuck. Ew.

So I don't know. It combined such drastic differences. I did have fun though; I would had to to stay there for six hours. That was a total of thirteen hours at school today. 7:00 am - 8:00 pm. My record is 15, from the marching season. Me and Erin and maybe Jess too, I don't remember, stayed from 7:00 am - 10:00 pm, the football game. I wonder if I'll beat that.

I think (though I'm not sure) that I'm staying after again tomorrow. But is it something to look forward to? I'm still not sure. I think it is what you make it. It's just hard when you don't have someone you know really well to back you up. Hence today being the first annual Rachel Appreciation Day.

Strength & energy.

-Iona-

Walk it Off - Post #180

Everything that comes is only here for a while. For the good or the bad, nothing's here to stay. So yes, I'm a total dork and am very excited that the Robotics kickoff was this morning. The game looks awesome, there's a brainstorming session tomorrow, and I can't wait. It's like the Nutmeg committee, sort of, not really, but on the other end of the school field. Science and math are so not my things. So what am I doing here? You mean besides having the time of my life? Eh. Today wasn't all great though. I got sick at the swim meet and had to leave basically right after warmups. It was some combination of the heat, the nerves, and the post-robotics euphoria. Besides that, though, I'm in a decent mood. Maybe I'll go edit a music video. Yeah, I like that idea. Then sleep. -Iona-

The Girls in Blue - Post #179

You go to practice just like any day
Grab your goggles and you’re on your way
But hold up – here’s something new
Coach is saying something pretty cool
“You’re looking good, yeah you’re looking fast
I see how hard you kick when you swim past
Here’s your prize for fighting through the pain
I’m moving you up; you’re swimming in the next lane."

One lane higher, one lane better
Might look faster but it’s sure not wetter
Forget the grass they say is greener
In the other lane, the water’s cleaner
Until, of course, you try to swim
And see what a big mess it’s in

It’s a fight for the top where the top fights back
And you’re swimming like you’re faced with a shark attack
But you won’t get anywhere, you won’t get through
Because you’re swimming with the girls in blue

You switch your lane, and you’re feeling good
But in a minute you start thinking you misunderstood
Because hold up – they’re speeding by
Standing in their wake, you just want to cry
Don’t say a word when they don’t want to hear it
Don’t think too much when you’ll just start to fear it
On the outside looking in
You’re racing yourself, so how do you win?

One speed up is one point down
Looking like a wet cat, feeling like a clown
Wishing for your yesterdays
Ignoring that it’s so cliché
Forget where you’re going and where you’ve been
Just focus on the water where you’re trying to swim

It’s a fight for the top where the top fights back
And you’re swimming like you’re faced with a shark attack
But you won’t get anywhere, you won’t get through
Because you’re swimming with the girls in blue

Wow. I'm actually in a really good mood, but I was kind of annoyed with the girls who swim for the SHS team at practice. Since they all wear their school team suit, and it's blue, I ended up with this weird thing in my head during our really long sets. Gotta love swim team.

Eventually I'll fix the HTML and get the lines straight. I swear they were when I wrote it in Word. Too tired now.

Eventually I'll get to the other idea that was floating around: 101 Ways to Look Like You Took a Shower. Douse yourself with someone's Gatorade then wear chlorine perfume to disguise the fruit scent, etc. All ways of sneaking past those evil lifeguards.

Yawn. Bed. -Iona-

Someone Up There Gets Me – Post #178

So, I spent this Christmas vacation (Dec. 22nd to Jan 2nd) in Scotland with my parents and Calum. We stayed with my dad’s parents in their sort of apartment, sort of house in Edinburgh. I love it. It is this particular scent…like tea and dust, I guess. My grandfather is probably the one person who appreciates my extremely poor sense of humor and laughs at the right times, and is full of amazing stories about his, my dad’s, and my childhood. My grandmother has both the enthusiasm and talent to help me with whatever ridiculous task I’ve decided to complete next, be it learning a song on the harp, making a rag doll at nine at night, or keeping a vacation diary. They’re great.

What is Scotland? Scotland is streets that smell like all the spices they use in the old beer factories, eating chips (thick cut French fries) with salt and sauce out of brown paper on a freezing cold night while walking down a dark city street, using public transportation or walking so often a car ride seems like a privilege, flapjacks and rock buns and Christmas cake, having to look through baby pictures WITH a guy you only see once every two years or so, going to pantomimes and watching them make fun of the people who come in late, the thick haar that chills your very bones, real honey that is so thick you have to take it out of the jar with a spoon, home grown raspberries frozen from the summer and saved just for you, and a book called Something to Do with all your little bookmarks from last visit, over a year ago.

There’s nothing quite like it.

Christmas presents: PILES of books, some really cool notebooks, DDR Extreme 2, Movie Edit Pro 11, stripy socks, a patch with Jack’s head on it, two little coin purses, two shirts, and some things that smell good, among other things.

Merry Christmas, and happy new year!

-Iona-